Tag Archives: Depression

I Have a Mental Illness, I Didn’t Shoot Anyone Yesterday

This past weekend, as we all know, was one of the bloodiest in American history. Two mass shootings killed 31 people (as of Tuesday) and injured many more. One of the first questions that many ask is why this happened.

Some may state that the accused shooter was mentally ill.

I, like millions of others around the world am mentally ill. It has been my unwanted companion for far too long. I have yet to (and it is unlikely that I ever will) purchase a gun for the sole purpose of killing innocent people.

I wish our leaders would stop pointing fingers and ask the hard questions. At this point, as a nation, experienced too many mass shootings to point fingers at outside influences. That is taking the easy way out.

Video games are not the cause of mass shootings. Neither are the Internet or mental illness. It is our lax gun laws that cause mass shootings. It is the NRA and the gun lobby who have some of our politicians in their back pocket.

We need the red flag law and the universal background checks installed and enforced as national law now. We needed to tighten up our gun laws yesterday.

I feel like right now, this nation is at a turning point. We can continue on the same path that we have been going on and lose more innocent lives. Or, we can finally take a stand and ensure that this generation does not become the generation that is killed by mass shootings.

Only then will this madness finally stop.

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Filed under Mental Health, National News

RIP Saoirse Kennedy Hill

Depression kills. Like any disease, it has the potential to destroy life. But unlike other diseases, it does not receive the recognition that it should.

Last week, depression took another life. It’s victim was twenty two year old Saoirse Kennedy Hill, whose grandfather was the late Robert F. Kennedy. According reports, depression had been her unwanted friend for years. While in high school, she wrote a column in her school newspaper about her battle with depression.

One of the hardest things about depression is sometimes the simple act of getting up in the morning. It may seem trivial, but getting up in the morning is a sign of life. Depression does not want us to live, it wants us to stay in it’s cold and dark cocoon and eventually die.

I am glad that I woke up this morning. It took a good amount of energy, but I did.

Saoirse Kennedy Hill was young, only twenty two with what was hopefully a full life ahead of her. Unfortunately, depression took that life away before she had the chance to truly live.

Z”L. May her memory be a blessing.

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The Matriarch: Barbara Bush and the Making of an American Dynasty Book Review

When I was growing up in the 1980s and 1990s, the late former First Lady Barbara Bush looked like a grandmother straight out of Hollywood central casting. Her white hair was cut short, she was known for her pearls and matronly clothing and she was the matriarch of a large family. But there is so much more to her than the image.

Susan Page’s new biography, The Matriarch: Barbara Bush and the Making of an American Dynasty, tells the story of Mrs. Bush from her perspective. Born in 1925 to a wealthy family whose roots went back to the founding of America, she was the third of four children. Equally belittled and ignored by her mother about her weight, the future First Lady never got over the comments she received as a child.

In her late teens, she married the future President George H.W. Bush. Married for seven decades, she brought six children into the world. Her oldest son, George W. Bush, followed in his father’s footsteps. Her oldest daughter, Robin, died of Leukemia at age three, leaving her mother with an emotional scar that never healed. Later as an adult, she battled depression and aided both her husband and son during their time in the White House.

Containing interviews with Mrs. Bush, President Bush, her family, political aides, press clippings, diary entries and other details, this books is the complete story of one of America’s most respected First Ladies.

One of the things that I was surprised about was how emotionally strong and outspoken Mrs. Bush was. Like many women of her generation, her adult life focused on her home and her family. But unlike the Donna Reed-like ideal of the 1950’s and 1960’s, Mrs. Bush was not the yes-woman to her husband nor was she the picture of motherly perfection. She was bold, she was outspoken and not above providing unsolicited advice. She may not have been a traditional feminist, but she is the definition of a strong, intelligent and capable woman.

This book is a must read, especially if one is a political junkie. It sheds light not just on the public side of Mrs. Bush, but also the private that only a few were privileged to see.

I recommend it.

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Filed under Book Review, Books, Feminism, History, Mental Health, Politics

Life after Suicide: Finding Courage, Comfort and Community after Unthinkable Loss Book Review

When a loved one dies of a physical health issue or a random accident, the common response for the deceased loved ones is sympathy. When a loved one dies from suicide due to mental illness, the common response is not always sympathy.

In 2017, Dr. Jennifer Ashton thought that she had it all: two happy and healthy children, a career as a respected physician and an amicable relationship with her ex-husband. Then her ex-husband committed suicide.

In her new memoir, Life after Suicide: Finding Courage, Comfort and Community after Unthinkable Loss, Dr. Ashton writes about the unexpected death of her ex-husband and how it changed her life. In this deeply personal memoir, Dr. Ashton takes the reader through the bumpy road from grief to acceptance. She also includes the stories of other women who have lost loved ones to suicide and how they learned to cope with their new reality.

I found this book to be one of the best books on mental illness that I have read in a long time. When we talk about suicide, we often talk about the person who took their own life, forgetting that their loved ones are dealing with an unimaginable loss and questions with answers that are not so black and white.

I recommend this book not just for those who are suffering from mental illness, but for those who love them. If nothing else, it will hopefully open the door to a conversation and perhaps save a few lives.

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Thoughts On the New Disturbed Song “A Reason To Fight”

Mental health disorders have a way of isolating those who suffer. Logically, they know that they have a solid support system of family, friends and partners/spouses. But mental illness and depression specifically says otherwise. It makes that person feel alone, that everyone around them is lying. The only thing that is honest is their depression.

Recently, the rock band Disturbed released their latest song and accompanying video, “A Time To Fight“.

The thing that strikes me about this song and the video is that it negates the idea that those who suffer from depression and other mental illnesses suffer are alone. There are millions of us who wake up everyday with this weight on our emotional shoulders.

Knowing that we are not alone, that there are many out there who suffer from this disease is important not just for those who live with mental illness, but for those who love them. That knowledge, from my perspective, is the most important aspect of not just treatment, but living a full life.

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The Scar: A Personal History of Depression and Recovery Book Review

Mental illness affects millions of people around the world.

Mary Cregan knows all too well the pain that mental illness can bring. In her new book, The Scar: A Personal History of Depression and Recovery, she talks about her own bout with mental illness and how she was able to survive.

When she was in her late 20’s Ms. Cregan had it all: a job that made her happy, a loving marriage and a soon to be new addition to the family. The joy of a new child soon turns to grief when the baby dies two days after she is born. The death of her daughter plunges her into depression and thoughts of suicide. Years later, in writing this book she reflects on her deeply personal and heartbreaking experience with mental illness while talking about the history of how mental illness was viewed and treated.

One of the most glaring aspects of mental illness, from my own experience, is the feeling of being alone in the world. Ms. Cregan’s book reminds me that those of us who suffer from mental illness are not alone. We may not have asked to join millions of others who suffer from mental illness, but it brings us together in a way that allows us live full lives while grappling with a disease that will always be part of us.

I recommend it.

 

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This Time, The Potential Removal of the ACA is Personal

Earlier this week, you know who took another swipe at the ACA.

If he had attempted the same thing six months ago (not that its first time he’s tried to remove the ACA), I think my response would be of a general outrage. This time, the potential removal of the ACA is personal.

I wrote a while back about an unexpected curve ball that was thrown my way.

That curve-ball is a change to my career that I did not see coming. As of the end of next month, I will be out of work. My employer is generous to include health insurance in the severance package, but that health insurance is temporary.

The fact is that health insurance is a necessity. Not just to ensure that I have continued access to the mental health professionals who help me to live with my depression, but to provide access to my regular doctor.

Health insurance is a human right, not a privilege. No one should be denied access to a doctor because they cannot afford the appointment or have to go into debt to remain healthy.

But then again, some politicians are so blind that they prefer to save their own skins instead of supporting the voters who hired those politicians to represent them.

 

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How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety Book Review

Social anxiety, like any mental illness, is not obvious to the naked eye. The definition of social anxiety is the following:

Social anxiety is the fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, self-consciousness, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.

The 2018 book, How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, by Ellen Hendriksen, is about the science and emotion of social anxiety. The author explores the roots of social anxiety, tells the stories of people live with it and encourages them to move beyond what is holding them back.

I really appreciated this book. I appreciated it because it is not a pie in the sky, unrealistic way of looking at social anxiety. By referencing the true life experiences, the science behind social anxiety and suggestions on how to move beyond the inner critic.

I absolutely recommend it.

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Thoughts On The 16th Anniversary of Fallen

Music and art in general has a way to freezing a moment in time.

16 years ago yesterday, Evanescence released what would be a career defining album for the band: Fallen.

Back then, I was a senior in my last semester of college. Graduation and the real world was on the horizon. Being in your early 20’s and knowing that you have an uncertain future is harder when you live with mental illness.

I didn’t know that I was living with depression back then. I didn’t know that I had options to deal with the emotional black hole and anxiety that is depression.

Then Fallen was released. Not only had I found a band whose music absolutely rocked my world, but an outlet to release the darkness that was inside of me.

To this day, Fallen is one of my favorite albums and my go to music when I feel the tentacles of depression spreading.

Thank you, Evanescence, for this amazing album. I don’t know where my life would be without it.

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Pardon Me, My Depression Has Spoken For me

There are some illnesses that are obvious via physical symptoms. The various forms of mental illness are very often referred to as invisible illness because symptoms are not always obvious to the naked eye.

I have lived with depression for years. It often speaks for me when I cannot. The problem is that when it speaks for me, it does not speak the truth.

Courtesy of fanpop.

It speaks of my anxieties, my insecurities. It reveals that in spite of all I have worked for and achieved, I am still worth nothing. The people in my life are lying to me. I am worth nothing and the only place I should be is the grave.

If we have a conversation and my depression decides to speak for me, please pardon me. It is not me who is speaking, but one who has taken over my tongue and my thoughts. It is my depression.

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Filed under Beauty And The Beast, Mental Health, Music, Once Upon A Time