Thoughts On The 16th Anniversary of Fallen

Music and art in general has a way to freezing a moment in time.

16 years ago yesterday, Evanescence released what would be a career defining album for the band: Fallen.

Back then, I was a senior in my last semester of college. Graduation and the real world was on the horizon. Being in your early 20’s and knowing that you have an uncertain future is harder when you live with mental illness.

I didn’t know that I was living with depression back then. I didn’t know that I had options to deal with the emotional black hole and anxiety that is depression.

Then Fallen was released. Not only had I found a band whose music absolutely rocked my world, but an outlet to release the darkness that was inside of me.

To this day, Fallen is one of my favorite albums and my go to music when I feel the tentacles of depression spreading.

Thank you, Evanescence, for this amazing album. I don’t know where my life would be without it.

The Water

The water calls to me.

I wonder what will happen if I climb over the wall  and onto the rocks.

Will I hit my head on the rocks or will I let the water take me down to the bottom?

I wonder what they think about me.

I wonder if they see the calm, mature professional adult who is capable to doing the job that she was hired for?

Or do they see the little girl who is still scared of her shadow?

I wonder if they remember the confident, capable person who came in for the interview?

Or do they see the person who is trying so hard to do the job, but still feels like every day is the first day of work?

The sound of the bus turning the corner calls me away from the water.

I watch the water disappear as the bus rolls by the dock.

The water stops calling to me, but only until tomorrow when the water will call to me again.


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