RIP tWitch

For many living with mental illness, the only way out is suicide.

Earlier this week, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, best known as the DJ for the Ellen DeGeneres Show took his own life. He was 40.

The thing about mental health issues is that they are not obvious. It’s not the same as wearing a cast for a month to heal a broken leg. Just because someone is smiling on the outside does not mean that there isn’t a torrent of emotions on the inside. I think there are a lot of people who try to understand, but they really don’t.

It is often seen as the only way to get rid of the pain. As difficult as that is to comprehend, it is the truth. I don’t know why he did what he did. But it was obviously a sign of deeper issues that remained unresolved.

I wish that he had talked to someone before making the ultimate decision. Whatever he was going through, he felt like there was one way to make it stop.

My heart goes out to the people who knew his best. May his memory be a blessing. Z”L.

If you are feeling suicidal, please call 988 or your local crisis helpline. Your life is worth it.

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Invisible Storm: A Soldier’s Memoir of Politics and PTSD Book Review

Jason Kander is many things: a politician, a veteran, a published author, and a family man. He was also living with PTSD after serving his country.

Kander’s new memoir, Invisible Storm: A Soldier’s Memoir of Politics and PTSD, was published earlier this month. Back in 2017, Kander’s political future was bright. He was running for mayor in his hometown of Kansas City. All signs pointed to an easy victory. There were even whispers of him as a possible candidate in the 2020 Presidential election.

Then everything stopped. After being home from Afghanistan for more than a decade, he suddenly became depressed and suicidal. This deeply felt and dark memoir is the story of how the darkness nearly claimed him and the difficult task of recovery that he underwent to heal.

His story is personal, heartfelt, and a reminder that mental health is health. Just because the scars are not visible to the naked eye does not mean that the person is not suffering. What I was impressed by was how brutally honest Kander was about the experience. He also was very vocal about the fact that our veterans are not being given the medical care that is owed to them. They gave up almost everything for this country, the least we can do is ensure that they are as physically and mentally healthy as possible.

My favorite part of the book was the interjections by Kander’s wife, Diana. It shows that this disease does not only affect the person, it affects everyone they love. Mental illness requires a team effort to live with and/or overcome.

Do I recommend it? Absolutely.

Invisible Storm: A Soldier’s Memoir of Politics and PTSD is available wherever books are sold.

Reputation: A Novel Book Review

It was not that long ago that a woman’s reputation was her most important asset. Any black mark on that reputation, whether real or imagined, had the potential to destroy her future and her family’s future.

Reputation: A Novel, by Sarah Vaughan, was released earlier this month. Emma Webster is a woman in a man’s world. She is a former teacher who has made a career switch to politics. In doing so, she lost her marriage and her emotional connection with her teenage daughter, Flora.

Emma knows that her success depends on her image and what the voting public thinks of her. She also knows the downsides that come with being a female politician. It takes one moment, one miscalculation of judgment to destroy everything she has built.

While her mother is getting figurative shit thrown at her, Flora is dealing with bullying and the loss of a long-time friendship. After a young woman takes her life due to online mistreatment, Emma works with the girl’s family to legislate against future crimes of this nature.

Emma and Flora’s problems collide when Emma is accused of murder. Determined to protect her family and prove that she is innocent, Emma is pushed to her limits.

Vaughan does it again. She mixes politics, family, sex, and growing up into a heady and powerful narrative that instantly pulled me in. Emma is a flawed heroine who I genuinely liked. She has chosen to go into a profession that by nature, is male-oriented and still not 100% accepting of women. Like many working mothers, she does the best she can to balance both motherhood and her job.

I was gripped by the proverbial throat until the very last page. It is so good and so far, one of my favorite books of the year.

Do I recommend it? Absolutely.

Reputation: A Novel is available wherever books are sold.

Unthinkable: Trauma, Truth, and the Trials of American Democracy

The Alanis Morissette song, Ironic, has the following lyric:

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you/When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right…

At the end of 2020, Congressman Jamie Raskin went through what no parent should ever go through. His son, Tommy took his life. Less than a week later, his world again turned upside down when the Capitol building was invaded on January 6th. His new memoir, Unthinkable: Trauma, Truth, and the Trials of American Democracy, was published in January. The narrative is twofold: processing the untimely loss of his son and the Herculean task of impeaching you know who for starting the riot.

Told with raw emotional honesty and a will of iron that many in his position might not have had, this book shines a light on both mental illness and how close this nation came to losing it everything we hold dear. As both a father and a politician, Raskin leaves nothing out. His love for his family and his passion for upholding the values that built the United States radiates from the page.

I loved this book. It’s not an easy read, by any stretch of the imagination. Losing his son was an emotional trauma that by itself is a monster to deal with. Adding on the pressure of saving the American democracy is a burden that might have broken someone else. But Raskin was somehow able to have the strength, courage, and the ability to move forward through difficult times.

Do I recommend it? Absolutely.

Rita Moreno & Mental Health: A Revelation That Needs to be Heard

Rita Moreno is more than an icon. She is a trailblazer who opened the door for non-POC performers to not only have a career, but to play roles than were more than the servant or the background character. She also dealt with mental illness and lived to tell the tale.

Rita Moreno: Just a Girl Who Decided to Go For It premiered a couple of weeks ago on the PBS series American Masters. The documentary follows her life and career from her early days playing “ethnic” characters to her current status as one of the most respected performers in Hollywood. Best known for her role as Anita in 1961 film adaptation of West Side Story, it was one of the first (if not the first) fully fleshed out Latino characters on the big screen. Up until that point, Latinx performers either had to hide who they were (a la Rita Hayworth) or play a stereotypical characters ( e.g. Carmen Miranda).

While I was not surprised that she was sexually assaulted. Then, as now, women are still seen as sex objects to be used and thrown away when our usefulness outside of the bedroom has vanished. What I was surprised is that she has lived with mental health problems for decades and survived a suicide attempt. I found her honesty to be refreshing and comforting. It was as if she was saying “I did it, you can too”.

If I could, I would send an invite to watch this film to anyone whose life is complicated by mental illness. If it provides one person at least a brief respite from the mess in our heads and the push to ask for help, I would be satisfied.

Rita Moreno: Just a Girl Who Decided to Go For It is available for streaming on the PBS website.

Robin Williams: Five Years Later and it Still Hurts

Mental health, like any disease does not discriminate between rich and poor, black and white, celebrity and non-celebrity.

Five years ago today, mental health took the life of one of our most beloved performers: Robin Williams.

He was more than a comic who could do impressions. He could play drama, he could play comedy and everything in between. Underneath all of his performances was a huge heart that was evident to anyone in the audience.

This past week, his eldest son, Zak, spoke to CNN about his father.

When it comes to those who are no longer with us because of suicide, there are always questions that start with what if. While the question is certainly valid, at a certain point, we need to ask other questions. I firmly believe that we need to not only accept mental health issues as a valid disease, but treat it as a valid disease.

When confronting a problem, the first and hardest step is to ask for help. The issue with mental health is that many are afraid to ask for help because of the backlash they may receive.

Mental health and the diseases that fall under the categories of mental illness are real. The sooner we accept that, stop stigmatizing mental illness and open the doors to treatment, the better our country and our world will be.

Jeffrey Epstein is a Coward

One of the topics I frequently talk about on this blog is mental health and the unfortunate by product of suicide that comes from mental health issues.

Normally, when someone dies of suicide, we mourn and remember because this person left this life too soon.

According to news reports, accused pedophile Jeffrey Epstein took his own life today while awaiting trial.

Jeffrey Epstein is a coward. He knew what he did was wrong. He knew that when he went to trial, he would have to look at the women who he took advantage of as young girls. He knew that he would pay for his crimes.

Instead, he took the easy way out. In taking his own life, he took away the opportunity from his victims to obtain justice for what he did to them. Though he will not be sitting in a jail cell for the rest of his days, I hope that judgement comes on the other side.

May he rot in Hades for what he did to those women.

Life after Suicide: Finding Courage, Comfort and Community after Unthinkable Loss Book Review

When a loved one dies of a physical health issue or a random accident, the common response for the deceased loved ones is sympathy. When a loved one dies from suicide due to mental illness, the common response is not always sympathy.

In 2017, Dr. Jennifer Ashton thought that she had it all: two happy and healthy children, a career as a respected physician and an amicable relationship with her ex-husband. Then her ex-husband committed suicide.

In her new memoir, Life after Suicide: Finding Courage, Comfort and Community after Unthinkable Loss, Dr. Ashton writes about the unexpected death of her ex-husband and how it changed her life. In this deeply personal memoir, Dr. Ashton takes the reader through the bumpy road from grief to acceptance. She also includes the stories of other women who have lost loved ones to suicide and how they learned to cope with their new reality.

I found this book to be one of the best books on mental illness that I have read in a long time. When we talk about suicide, we often talk about the person who took their own life, forgetting that their loved ones are dealing with an unimaginable loss and questions with answers that are not so black and white.

I recommend this book not just for those who are suffering from mental illness, but for those who love them. If nothing else, it will hopefully open the door to a conversation and perhaps save a few lives.

Jamel Myles Is Dead Because Of Bullies

Bullying in school is unfortunately, for many students, part and parcel of the education experience for many students.

Jamel Myles should be joining his peers for a new school year. Instead, he lies in his grave. He killed himself last week after experiencing an entire school year in which he and his older sister were constantly bullied. According to his mother, Leia Pierce, the administration did nothing to stop the bullying, especially after her son came out to her over the summer.

The boy’s grandmother, Jacque Miller, disagree’s with her daughter.

“The statement that it takes a village to raise a child is true,” she said. “And the village is broken.”

I agree with both statements. While the administration played it’s part, I believe that our overall culture had a hand in the unnecessary suicide of a young boy. Many members of the LGBTQ community experience bullying, regardless of whether they are in the close or out of the closet. There is also, from my perspective, a permissive attitude of parents and teachers that bullying in school is normal and part of the educational experience. It shouldn’t be, but it is. We should be teaching our children and ourselves to at least respect others, even if they are different or if we disagree with them.

Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to bring Jamel Myles back to life. But, we can honor his memory and the memory of too many who have taken their lives due to bullying by teaching our children and ourselves to respect others.

RIP James Myles. May your memory be a blessing.

Stay: A History of Suicide and the Arguments Against It Book Review

It’s a proven fact that many who suffer from mental health issues have considered or have acted on suicidal thoughts. In the United States, suicide is quickly become one of the leading causes of death. But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Writer Jennifer Michael Hecht knows all too well the pain that losing a loved one to suicide brings. Her 2013 book, Stay: A History of Suicide and the Arguments Against It, was inspired by the loss of two friends to suicide. In the book, Ms. Hecht examines how suicide was viewed in the past by different cultures and how these cultures argued against suicide. She also examines how attitudes in regards to suicide have changed, but the reasons to live remain the same.

This book was not only well written, but eye opening. Suicide has been part of the human experience for an untold number of generations. For me, living with mental illness, the most important reason for reading this book was the argument that life is worth it. Suicide is permanent, pain can and does heal.

I recommend it.